Anna

Anna's the best known scientific evidence that we're living in a simulation designed by a prankster. "Here's an idea," they thought. "Let's give her a photographic memory, the power to read minds, and an uncanny ability to make the most delicious meals out of ingredients most people have never heard of BUT to balance it out how about if pizza and maple syrup almost kill her?"

Anna, thank you for letting me share your home and your holiday. For Christmas, please enjoy:

• Assorted kitchen implements.

• One of the only known photographs from my childhood.

• A viewing partner for at least one crappy movie per month.

• A dedicated fire stoker, wood hauler, snow mover, dish scrubber, floor sweeper, compost spinner, leaf raker, goat feeder, and foot warmer.